miracles

Adoption is amazing. In the purest sense of the word, it is absolutely amazing. I over use the word way too much, but it's a good one, and I tend to see the greatest of the great in most situations. Adoption in my opinion is very deserving of the word. It's beautiful and miraculous. A year ago, I saw Tate's picture on a website. He was darling. He reminded me in lots of ways of a little boy that I have known and loved since his birth. I didn't look at his special needs, because I didn't care. I knew him. He was mine.

How does that happen? I had been prepared for the previous few weeks that my last baby would be a boy. I knew and fell in love with this picture, with this boy. I felt him, I knew that he was my son. That is the coolest feeling ever. To recognize your child, and know them, from a photo. Amazing. Really.

He was born to another set of parents a year previous. They loved him a lot. They tried to help him when he was so sick, he would have died very shortly. He had been taken to a hospital when his parents found out the extent of his illness, I am very certain that money was the reason he was abandoned. They could not afford the surgery that he needed immediately to save his life. They took him from that hospital to a different one and left him there. I'm sure they have wondered every day since about their sweet little boy. He was so very very very sick when they left him. He lived, the Chinese government paid for his surgery which is such a tragedy for his poor birth parents. Why didn't the government just help them in the first place? Now the government had another orphan to raise. He was in the hospital for nearly a month, then he was given over to a really incredible US run charity. There he lived and was loved and cared for until last month.

How is it possible, that this baby born on the other side of the world to another set of parents was my baby?  How did we ever find him and know him? How did we feel peace to make this trip yet again? To do the paperwork, to pay the tremendous cost, again? None of it made sense if we looked at it logically.  It just didn't. But, he was ours. We had no other choice but to go and get him. What would we have done if we had never gone to get our little Chinese kids?

Life was good you know. We had grown children. We were planning really cool trips. Our girls were easy, self sufficient, fun, great travelers, all of it. But, that was not how it was to be. Life is meant to have depth.

Looking all over the world, knowing that our last babies were not going to be born into this family, but would be adopted into it. That caused so much growing and stretching. Starting over with toddlers. It's hard! I'm too old to go without sleep. I like routine. I like my own time. I don't get that any more. It's not easy, but it's hands down the most rewarding thing we've ever done. To look into those Asian eyes, and recognize the soul inside is the most amazing miracle that there is. To think of the blessing of these little babies that we would have forgone had we stuck with the easier path is terrible to even consider. 

They are the coolest little people ever. They are part of our family. They are mine.

1 month

Tate has made himself right at home. He has blended just beautifully and we are loving having a little boy around. It's definitely entertaining the stuff he comes up with. The girls love him and spoil him rotten! This one in particular gives Tate his heart's desire. Hmmmmmmm.

Tate got birthday presents when he got home and  we quickly realized that Tate knows about and quite likes presents.

Having 5 kids is a lot more challenging for me than having 4. It can be overwhelming sometimes. My bigs help like crazy. They are completely amazing! As they were all young and raised together, I am so happy that they are getting the opportunity to have and care for younger siblings. Priceless.

These two are getting on better all the time. Tate loves on Emily a bit more than she would like, but he loves her so much, I can't stop it!! He runs to her and loves her right to the ground every time she comes into view. It's very sweet. They were meant to be together. Emily is still shut down, but she is starting to open up a little bit and she is more affectionate than she ever used to be. She is also trying harder than she has been to speak and understand.

Tate totally loved Christmas. Like a lot!

 OH!! I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! No idea what it is, but I love it so much!!

My favorite photo of the day! Pure joy! It is absolutely amazing to have my little boy finally home!!

 Tate and I are roomies! He makes tiny progress toward healthy sleep habits every night it seems like. The terror of night time and bedtime is nearly gone, we are in a bedroom instead of the living room (because he was so completely petrified to even go into his room, or into the hallway leading to his room...). The overhead light is off, and we are just using a lamp. I was hoping to be down to a night light by this week end, but we'll need a bit more time.

 We took the crib away, that was a big step. Now we are on mattresses on the floor.

 He is speaking more English, and more Chinese. He is like a parrot.

He's very easy going for the most part. Eating is our biggest issue. How long can you live on crackers? 

 He loved the snow and being outside.

 Loves his sisters. He knows their names, and loves them up.

This chicken in her newest silks. We love our littles so much!

home again home again

 I LOVE that we are home! We've been home for a week now and all is well! We went to church today and as I sat in my congregation surrounded by people that I love I remembered the last time that I was at church was just before we left for China. I cried through everything, knowing the difficulty that we were about to enter. Knowing how much I would miss my girls at home. Knowing that this was going to be a hard trip. Today I sat in pure peace and absolute joy with all of my kids around me. Emily running crazy, Tate right behind her, and my older girls taking charge like the awesome kids they are. I am very happy.
                              

I was the worst blogger in China. I was sleep deprived, badly, and I felt like groundhog day sort of. I felt as though it were a continuation of Emily's trip of sorts, and I had nothing new to share.  I have been thinking back on our trip, and how great it really was, so I want to write some of the great parts.

When we arrived in Tate's province, our hotel room only had 1 crib in it. I called down to the front desk and told them we needed another baby bed. They came up immediately, took the 1 bed away and brought in another one. No questions asked, made it up and left. I was laughing to myself, nothing that I could say or act out could make them leave both beds. So I called again and told them we had two babies and needed two beds and they finally brought up another bed. Baby beds in China are a board, with a sheet on it, and a little blanket on top. Emily was not going to go for that. I asked for another blanket. I showed them the blanket on my bed and asked for one. They nodded, smiled, and left the room.  A minute later, a guy showed up to my room with white gloves on and a silver tray, with a little sewing kit on it. I smiled and laughed, and showed him the blanket on my bed and asked for two please. He smiled and nodded, and a minute later a whole crew came into my room and changed ALL of the bedding. I gave up at that point and just smiled. They are SO NICE!!! I love China.

Another time, Gary called down and asked for a bath mat. They said yes ok, and hung up the phone. We were chatting when they called back and said they were on their way up with a "new mattress." Again, no questions asked, yes sir, we'll bring you a new mattress right away! So hospitable, so kind, so service oriented. We love China.

I spent every night in China walking with Tate in the stroller up and down the halls. I would text my friends, catch up on blogs and pintrest, read the news, sit on the floor and cry, all of those things. Gary would spell me if Emily slept which wasn't often, and sometimes I would sneak back into the room and prop Tate up on the bed, and try to sleep for a little bit. He would fall for that trick for about 30 minutes at a time, and we would be back out walking. One night as we were pacing, a young Chinese guy popped his head out the door and watched us walk for a while. There are no rules against boldly staring someone down in China. I was waaaaaay too tired to care anyway. He finally spoke after several minutes, and I think he was telling me that Tate was cold. I kid you not, the hotel kept the halls and lobby at a comfy 80 degrees. Miserably warm. I smiled, and told him he was fine. He kept staring for a long time more, then disappeared into his room. He came out 20 minutes later with a hand towel that smelled very very strongly of incense. He stopped my stroller, moved Tate's blanket, put the towel on his belly and replaced the blanket. Then he smiled and disappeared into his room. I loved it. I loved that he cared about and loved my little boy. I loved that he wanted to help, and did his best. I love that he imparted his wisdom on behalf of my scared, confused, sad, tired son. I really really really love China.

We have been home now for a week. It's been great. Tate still has sleeping issues, but I feel like we are learning, growing, and making baby steps toward healthier sleeping for all of us. He is soooo cute I can't stand it! He makes me laugh and makes me crazy all day. He is LOVING the big girls so very much. He calls them by name, and bosses them around. He loves Emily more than anyone. She is the object of his affection constantly.

I will write more soon, and post pics of being home. I am so happy to be home. Life is so good. Adoption is such an amazing adventure, full of miracles and blessings. I very highly recommend it. There are so many many many orphans who have NO FUTURE without a family. You are their answer, and only hope.

Coming Home!

We are on our way home! Almost. We have left Guangzhou, and are spending a night in Beijing. Our flight leaves tomorrow afternoon.

 Our CCAI guides are the best in the industry. I was so sad to say goodbye to each of them in each city.

 Our really fun travel group. We are forever bonded together by this amazing experience.

 We spent lots of time in our park that we love. We got caught in a rain storm, but it was still amazing and beautiful. I have had so much nostalgia the past few days. There is no way to photograph, or video, or write about how cool China is. It is such a really neat place. I know we will come back, I just don't know when. It will be a while.

This trip has been hard. Super hard. The babies don't sleep. Tate requires being pushed in the stroller all night long. Emily wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, and cannot be soothed back to sleep. We have had no sleep for two and a half weeks, and it is wearing on us. Having two busy babies, that are not interested in doing what adults do, two strollers, and just being so tired we can't stand it, we just barely get through our days. Our nights are long and hard, and we do it all over again the next day. It's been a hard trip.

Tate is our little boy. We love him so much. To say that we are not used to an active little boy would be a gross understatement. He is making us totally nuts, but it's a happy nuts. It feels just exactly right. Sometimes you're around someone else's crazy kids and you can't wait to get away from them. Tate doesn't feel that way. He's crazy, but he's ours. We are still learning about him. Every day. He has lived his entire life in one room, with access to whatever he wanted it seems. We don't think he was ever told "no". ever.  He is so curious, and excited and into every single thing that there is. twice. But,  like I said, it feels just right. He is ours. We love him so much and we are so thankful that we came for him. I absolutely love the miracle of adoption. It is my favorite thing.

We are finished having children. We are finished adopting children. Our family is complete. It is as it was meant to be. In 24 hours, my little family will be all together, and I'm keeping it that way! As long as I can, I'm going to soak them all up!

Shamian Island

If I were to live in China, I would want to live here, on Shamian Island. The landscaping is amazing! Sculptures everywhere! The architecture is beautiful. It is a favorite place of mine for sure.

Guangzhou

Guangzhou is such cool city. It is beautiful, and it has this park in it. I love this park so much. It's massive, immaculate, and the landscaping is just amazing.

 We have done some touring, and seen really impressive things.

 The babies make everything a step more difficult. They both love to run everywhere, so we each take a baby and we chase! It's so fun.

 My boys!

 Contained!!

 Love! Maybe slightly one sided.

 On monday, Tate turned 2! From the day that we were matched, I wanted to have him by his birthday. So, yay that we were together, but it was also the day of the most traumatic event of adoption, the medical exam. Tate was no fan of the medical exam. It is just a routine screening but whoa betty, he was unimpressed. Because he is two, he had to have a TB blood draw screening. Bummer. He cried soooooo hard!! It was very sad. He totally let me comfort him though which was awesome, and he came home and slept for nearly three hours!

 When he woke up, we opened presents, which he loved, the hotel sent this awesome mango cake up to our room for him. Darling. I don't have photos of it on this camera though.

 Then it was tubs all around, and bed. Tate had his best night sleep ever tonight!!! He climbed into bed around 8:30, was out by 9 and slept until 4! I was elated! It is seriously the longest stretch of sleep that I've had since we arrived in China. Most orphans sleep amazingly well. My kids do not.

This is what I get 99% of the time that I try and photograph these two monkeys together. Chaos! We love them to death.

A few people have asked about Tate, so I will answer those questions.  He calls me half of the time mama, and half of the time aiya (auntie or nanny). He calls Gary baba (daddy) all of the time. He speaks Chinese all of the time. He talks a ton and sings lots of songs. It's adorable. When he talks to me and I repeat back to him what he just said in Chinese, he totally cracks up.  He uses more and more english every day. He routinely says "all done", "more", "Emily! No! No! No!" and "uh-oh!" although that one is probably universal.  He is napping right now, a great sign in trust and bonding, he loves to hold hands. He loves doing things for Gary. When Gary comes in from running, Tate will grab his flip flops for him and get him a diet coke out of the fridge. It's darling. He smiles like it's his job, all the time. He thinks everything naughty is awesome and hilarious. He is the sweetest most wonderful guy that there is. We are in love with him!!