7 months

One year ago today, I called my adoption agency to see how things were going, and just be nosey in general and ask why we hadn't received a referral yet. The lady that I spoke to couldn't find my file which made me nervous until she said (after several minutes of looking) "It was on my co-workers desk waiting to call you with a referral!"  My heart started pounding so hard, I couldn't believe it! She told me that this little girl had heart defect, cleft lip and palate, severe delay, and delayed mobility. As she spoke, my head was rushing a million miles an hour. Could we handle all of those special needs? That was a lot more than I believed we would get. We had said yes to all of those special needs, but  were we meant to get all of them at at the same time, with the same child? My heart was aching at the thought that this could be my daughter, could I handle all of it? All of a sudden, my mouth opened up and said "Yes! Send her file over, we'd love to look at it!" Gary was in China on business at the time, it was about midnight his time. I texted him and told him we had a referral coming. I waited in front of my computer for about 10 minutes. It never came. I called CCAI and went straight to voicemail. I waited and waited and WAITED some more. Gary texted me nervously "Where is it?? What's taking so long??" FINALLY we got the first of two emails. NO PICTURES!! It contained details of her special needs and I was again questioning if I could handle this little tiny thing that needed so much care! The second email came with pictures. The first picture made me smile. She was very cute.  The second picture, this one, made me gasp out loud. I knew this girl. She was my daughter. Gary knew her too, she was ours.

We didn't say yes right off. She honestly scared me a little bit. We sent her file to our pediatrician. He told us that his initial thought was merely failure to thrive. We got our first lesson in -orphanage records can be pretty inaccurate-! He laughed when he looked at her heart report. He said "I don't mean to make light of a potentially serious situation but if her heart is doing what they say it's doing, she'd be dead. It's not even possible." Through a lot of prayer, we knew without question that she was our daughter. Her special needs scared us less and less as the days went on, and three days later, we called our agency to tell them that we would happily accept this little doll with "eyes that were round and black like little grapes." We then began the crazy intense paper chase to complete all of her immigration  paperwork to bring her home.

 1 year later, she is the center of our lives. She has 5 people at her beckon call. She is our favorite thing, the best part of our day, the happiest little bit of our lives. She is so loved, so adored, so sweet and cute and cuddly! 

 We have been living adoption now for nearly two years. It's constant. We are still missing one. We feel him, we love him, we pray for him, we name him daily, we wonder about him all of the time.

 Understanding the reality of an orphan, of having a child on the other side of the ocean, of having my heart fragmented again, makes this wait intensely more difficult. It is twice as long, and 100 times more difficult. Knowing how easily and deeply and completely we fell in love with Emily, my heart honestly aches at all times for my little boy.

 We work fast and furiously for a few days, then we send that off and wait interminably it seems like. Then we get something back and work like maniacs for a day or two, send if off! phew!! WAIT and wait and wait. It's hard. Adoption is not for the weak. It's so hard!!

 But sooooooo worth it!! It's the most amazing thing ever!

A few more months to go, several actually, and we will be living life instead of living adoption. We will be together as we were meant to be. A family of 7. We will say every day several times just as we do now "What would we have done without him?" and we will thank Heavenly Father every day, many times, for leading us to our precious babies in China.